So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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