We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
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We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
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I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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