I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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