dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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