I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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