Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize