4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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