I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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