Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
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The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
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Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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