Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
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