When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
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Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We don't watch enough power rangers
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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