Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize