just tell him i said nine months
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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