do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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