the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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