Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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