its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Be still, my beating vagina.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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