Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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