Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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