Who did Billy Mays play for?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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