Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize