Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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