I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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