Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
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He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
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He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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