dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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