this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
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please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
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I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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