This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize