I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
if only i could text you this smell
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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