WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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