my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
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Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
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Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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