can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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