I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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