When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
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i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
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No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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