Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize