I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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