Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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