Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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