I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize