I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
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He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
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Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
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