using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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