i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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