whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize