paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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