I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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