Ambien. No doubt about it.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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