Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
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she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We talked him into tasing himself.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize