Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize