I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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