Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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