i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize